When Frustration Isn’t About What Happened — It’s About What You Believe
Nov 05, 2025
Have you ever snapped at something so small, then later asked yourself…
“Why did that make me so angry?”
It’s because anger is rarely about the actual moment.
Most of the time, the situation only touches an old belief you already carry.
Most of the time, the situation only touches an old belief you already carry.
Example:
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You get ignored → you feel disrespected.
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Someone criticizes you → you feel attacked.
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A plan changes suddenly → you feel out of control.
Not because of the event itself—but because deep inside, there’s a belief like:
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“I don’t matter.”
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“I need to always be right.”
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“People will reject me.”
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“I must not fail.”
The irritation is the surface emotion.
The limiting belief is the root.
The limiting belief is the root.
Anger protects what hurts.
We think anger is a “bad” emotion.
But actually, anger is a shield.
Behind it, there’s usually hurt, fear, or shame.
We think anger is a “bad” emotion.
But actually, anger is a shield.
Behind it, there’s usually hurt, fear, or shame.
So next time you feel irritated or frustrated… instead of saying,
“Why am I like this?”
ask yourself:
“What belief is being triggered right now?”
“Why am I like this?”
ask yourself:
“What belief is being triggered right now?”
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Is it the belief that you must be perfect?
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The belief that you always need to be chosen?
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The belief that you need to control everything to feel safe?
When you identify the belief, you start to take back your power.
How I Experience Frustration (and What Helps Me Manage It)
When I get frustrated—especially with something technical—I feel overwhelmed and out of control. It’s like my brain locks up, and before I know it, I’m slamming things or hitting my fist on the desk in sheer exasperation. (Yes, I’ve had my “ARGH!” moments!)
But I’ve learned to pause before my emotions take over. These are a few tools that help me manage frustration in the moment:
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Step Away and Breathe
I literally walk away from the computer. A few deep breaths calm my nervous system and bring oxygen back to my brain so I can think clearly again. -
Name What’s Really Going On
Instead of saying, “I can’t do this,” I say, “I feel frustrated because this feels out of my control.” Naming the feeling helps separate me from the emotion. -
Ground Myself Physically
I’ll touch something solid—like my desk or my coffee mug—and remind myself: “I’m safe. This is just a moment.” -
Ask for Help or Take a Break
The old me would have powered through to prove I could do it alone. Now, I give myself permission to step back, ask for help, or simply come back later with fresh eyes. -
Reframe the Thought
Instead of “I’m terrible with tech,” I tell myself, “I’m learning something new, and it’s okay to not know it yet.” That simple reframe softens the frustration instantly.
The more I practice these steps, the less I let frustration control me—and the more empowered I feel in those moments that used to unravel me.
Final Message
Your anger or frustration isn’t you being “dramatic.”
It’s your nervous system defending you from old pain.
It’s your nervous system defending you from old pain.
You’re not broken.
You’re healing.
You’re healing.
